A little less than expected

These first two weeks of school have been fairly painstaking, insofar as things not working the way I had envisioned them. Two weeks away does not seem like an inordinately long time, but it is surprising just how much you lose in terms of memory in that short span. I'm not exactly sure if that means that the things I lost from last semester were of no great import, or if I simply did not work hard enough to retain them.

So what that means is continuing the path I was already following, but in some ways it is starting over too. Every new year is like another chance to fix the problems of the past. While that does not always happen, it at least feels like you're given another chance. Lat year was incredibly hard and long. Never have I felt so isolated from people, from friendship, and in no small part, from life. A little lesson from the learned: Never move to a city without sufficient research.

I still find Boston to be a place that is full of ugliness in all its myriad forms. I just don't like it here. Instead of feeling vital and vibrant, a place with a human heart beat coursing through the very veins of the city, all I feel here is death, the void and bad juju. This is one of the most disconnected places that I have ever been. It seems to me that people here are so self-involved and selfish, that it is hard to find valuable human interaction.

While living in Portland, I was close friends with people who were from here, and they missed the directness of this place. But I view the directness, as a means of gain and protection. What can you give me, and how do I get it from you. I know these are gross generalizations, yet this is how I feel in large part. On a recent trip to San Francisco, I remembered just why I miss the west coast, and why it is very likely that I will someday call that coast my home again. There was that missing vitality, that creative spark, that rampant kindness. I do not like how many layers of ice you have to chip through to get to people here.

I know that I complain a lot about this place. It's just that Boston has turned out to be a little less than expected. A little less than expected. A little less than expected.

hearts and daggers,

Scot